Interdum stultus opportuna loquitur...

Friday, May 01, 2009

MemeRant: Sure, I'll Bite...

Note - from June 24th 2009, this blog has migrated from Blogger to a self-hosted version. Click here to go straight there.

The 40-Question Meme is probably not actually a 'meme' in any coherent sense of the word (Yanks have this habit of glomming onto words and then using them so far out of context that they might as well be speaking Finno-Ugric). It has been doing the rounds, and since I still have not fixed the engine for the Rants I figured it was a lazy way to generate some content.

So... prepare to get a glimpse into the Abyss...

1. My uncle once : got shot in the chest during an armed holdup.

2. Never in my life : have I met a man under five-feet-eight who didn't have a complex.

3. When I was five : I was five.

4. High School was : dull at first, but it got better.

5. I will never forget : the phrase 'bright dead alien eyes' from Chesterton's "Secret People".

6. I once met : a man who would kill you if I asked him.

7. There’s this girl I know who : works in a shop.

8. Once, at a bar : I broke a woman's arm and she didn't even grunt (she had a knife, and was on PCP).

9. By noon, I’m usually : thoroughly awake.

10. Last night : I read, watched TV and drank.

11. If only I had : had the knucklehead clipped the moment it was clear he was a problem.

12. Next time I go to gym : I will have resolved to do so regularly.

13. Terry Schiavo : has nothing whatsoever to do with me.

14. What worries me most : is that my cats may have been hurt.

15. When I turn my head left, I see : a shredder.

16. When I turn my head right, I see : a doorway.

17. You know I’m lying when : I tell you.

18. What I miss most about the eighties : the night life.

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : the porter from Macbeth.

20. By this time next year : several people will be missing.

21. A better name for me would be : G.

22. I have a hard time understanding : people who believe in (a) government, or (b) a Sky Wizard.

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : finish my fucking PhD.

24. You know I like you if : I tell you.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : The Lovely Sarah.

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro : Talented Researcher, Prodigious Talent, Archetypal Redneck & Political Parasite-Whore.

27. Take my advice, never : cross me or hurt my cats.

28. My ideal breakfast is : bacon and eggs on toast, with artificial bacon (doesn't exist yet, sadly).

29. A song I love, but do not own is : nothing - 'love' a SONG? Fucking Yanks.

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : breakfast at Bagatelle in Rathdowne street.

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars  : make life interesting (except trackstars).

32. Why won’t people : ?

33. If you spend the night at my house : don't expect me to entertain you.

34. I’d stop my wedding for : stupid question to ask an agnostic anarchist.

35. The world could do without : short men and neocons (but I repeat myself).

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : shake hands with Paul "The Ferengi" Wolfowtiz.

37. My favorite blonde is : probably fake.

38: Paper clips are more useful than : governments.

39. If I do anything well, it’s : keep collateral deaths to a minimum.

40. And by the way : get your affairs in order.