Interdum stultus opportuna loquitur...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Heads Up, Mother-truckers...

Note - from June 24th 2009, this blog has migrated from Blogger to a self-hosted version. Click here to go straight there.

I've decided that, rather than kick against the barricades, I will 'go with the flow' for a while.

Mostly - as with all human action - this is a self-serving decision. I've decided, you see, that I will deploy the same mechanism as the US Military: I've decided that I will appoint myself as an 'independent investigator' of anything of which I might reasonably be accused (the corpses of people who picked on me in school are not included).

Seems to me that this is the ultimate lark: if one of your trailer-trash grunt "heroes" offs a 1-year-old girl (by shooting her in the head), you just appoint an 'independent' investigator who eventually declares that the aforementioned trailer trash was a bit stressed and, 'sides, everyone knows that kiddies get offed whenever there are Marines around.

So anyhow, it turns out (after my 'independent' assessment) that I am as pure as the driven snow. I've never missed paying a single cent in taxes (in fact, I find that I've overpaid by a hundred grand or so - and I am declaring John Howard an international outlaw for denying me a refund of the aforementioned hundred grand). Anyone who has died as a result of stuff that I might have done, had it coming - and everything I ever did was completely kosher.

I am sure that if Osama bin Laden got to appoint his own 'independent ' investigators, you would find that most of the stuff that he has been involved in (which DOES NOT INCLUDE 9/11, YOU MORONS) would likewise be found to be completely above board.

I'm still a virgin, too - but maybe that's got more to do with my low levels of personal hygeine and general unattractiveness.

No, I've just 'independently assessed' those attributes, and I find that I am sexier than Brad Pitt times George Clooney, raised to the power of Matt Damon.

What's all this bollocks? I hear you ask.

Simple, silly. OzRant and USRant start again tomorrow morning, Froggish time. I've... er... found... yes, that's it.. found my completley legal non-pirated copy of Microsoft Office 2000, and so the Excel macro that drives the whole shebang (or shebags - OzRant and USRant) is now operational again. I've set myself this week to finish 'porting' the mechanisms across to PHP so that I don't have to run the Excel macro, but frankly I am still just as impressed as all fuck with the macro itself (which performs a dozen or so webqueries), so I am a little loath to let the Excel version go.

No matter. OzRant wil return, bold as a bulldog's nuts. I've had a bit of a gutful with all this 'manners' bullshit, too.... expect some language this year. I'm hoping to be jailed at least once for my views. Why the fuck not? As Thoreau said, in times of rampant injustice, the only decent place for an honest man is... in jail. I will keep the more rabid (and cuss-filled) material over on "SimplyRanting", and try to keep the red mist of psychosis from enveloping my field of vision while I'm writing Rants that concern the markets.

That sick guitar lick I mentioned ages ago (from Deisel's "Burn")... I know you've bee nlooking for it, so I decided to use it as the Rant Intro for forthcoming AudioRanting.

Check that muh-fuh out here; if you don't think it's the jaggedest gee-tar que vous avez jamais ecouté, well I can't help it if you're the sort of shaved ape who is often wrong.

One final thought... what was it about the period, that saw K'ung Tzu ("Confucius", to the numbnutses), Zoroaster and Buddha, all arrive at about the same time (these muh-fuhs were contemporaries, give or take a decade... Zoroaster might have been deaded just before Gautama Siddharta became the Buddha).

Three dudes, nearly as smart as your old mate GT, all roaming the planet about the same time, and (more or less) rabbitting on about the same shit.

If that don't make you think, then nothing will - just think about wu-wei as it relates to Buddha's Four Main Thingummies...

We're going to tear the PPT a new bunghole in the next few months... even those of youse (or 'ewes') who rely only on the free stuff, will only have your own inaction to blame if you don't make an absolute shitload of dough. Tell all your mates to tune in, 'coz otherwise they won't believe you when you tell them how smart I am.

And Alex, get on the fucking phone or e-mail, mon beau sabreur... I could do with a chap in Manhattan pretty soon... large bond bets won't place them goddamned selves, y'know?